


Two

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adjusting to Modern Life, Awkward Flirting, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Depression, Emo Fanfic Banksy, F/M, Female Steve Rogers, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Like my life, More dialogue and Less Poetic, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nick Fury is a Lowkey Dad, Pining, Rule 63, Sam Wilson is a Babe, This Goes From Avengers to CATWS Real Quick, Very CATWS centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 05:06:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7346278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short pieces depicting the life of Steph Rogers (and the Winter Soldier) after coming out of the ice and adjusting to the modern world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [One](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7335565) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 



> This is a continuation of another fem!Steve work called One. Please refer to that for warnings.
> 
> This has more dialogue and isn't as 'poetic' as One. I did this on purpose. In The First Avenger, the story is told like it's a flashback. I told One as it's like a diary, or Steph's memories of her life before the ice and she's reflecting on them. It has a slower pace. The Winter Soldier is very different. It's faster paced. The movie itself has more dialogue and it's good dialogue that is very important to the story, I added and changed some of it to fit the situation. The story starts off in Avengers and from there it's right into the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier events take place over like what, three days? Maybe a week? Maybe less. It's fast and there's not much time for reflection. This is also a time in Steve/Steph's life where they can finally speak out about how they're feeling. So naturally, she speaks more. Hope it's as liked as One.
> 
> Another note: I made the mistake of enabling moderating comments on One. So if you have comments on that, feel free to comment on this one! I won't respond but I will see them and love you for them.

**Awake**

She knows that game. She went to that game. She was with Bucky at that game. 

She is awake. It looks like it's 1943.

There's a woman. She bares resemblance to Peggy. 

She is in hell. 

She bolts out, outrunning those who chase after her. 

She's in New York City, remembering the streets but gasping at the sudden business of the city. 

The world around her had changed, technology everywhere and so many people.

There's a man in a leather coat with an eye patch named Nick Fury.

He's going to be her only friend for a while.

**Sleep**

_I slept for seventy years, Fury._ She groans as he tries to get her to go back to her room. 

She punches the new bag, not bothering to sweep the sand up from the demolished one.

He worries about her. The past two weeks haven't been easy, he tries to be sympathetic.

But there's a mission.

It's mention of the Tesseract that gets her attention. 

 _You should've left it in the ocean._ She mumbles, for a moment she's not sure if she means herself or the tesseract.

**Friends**

Agent Coulson follows her like a puppy, he's a big fan and makes no attempt to hide it. He's kind enough but she has too much on her mind to sit and chat about the horrors of her life that he loved hearing about as a child. She regrets it when Fury slaps the bloodied fan cards in front of her when he's found dead.

This man is older than her, she thinks. He's older than her and she's still so young. 

She sticks close to another young woman, her name is Agent Romanoff. She insists she's called Natasha. Natasha wears a leather jacket like she does. Her hair is red, a color that brings her back to the last friend she had. 

She meets the scientist, Bruce. Bruce is an experiment too. He turns big and green and wrecks the city. She respects him. 

She doesn't like Tony. He too much of Howard's mistakes. It pains her to think of her friend's only son like this. If things had been different, she'd be aunt Steph. She can't quite decipher if the tension between them is out of pure hatred from his youth or something more. 

Clint is nice. He's a good shot, respectful, doesn't ask many questions about her past but does tell her he knows where to find Peggy. The sunken look in his face reminds her of Bucky when he returned from the Hydra facility. The way Natasha worries over him reminds her of herself. 

Thor is unlike anyone she's ever met. He's big and is literally a god. He calls her a warrior and tells her of the warriors from his home in Asgard. There are many woman warriors there. She decides she'd like to visit one day and misses him as he leaves with his troublesome brother Loki, who she will not miss at all. 

These people are her family now, she accepts it. She tries to imagine how Bucky, Peggy, and the Commandos would fit in with them. They would. They would love her new family.

**Tony**

He has a girlfriend. Pepper is lovely. She is bright and made of sunshine, no- Pepper is made of fire. Steph wishes she was born from fire like Pepper, in that sense she is envious of her. The two are friends. 

Tony works a lot, down in the workshop building robots and constantly bettering everything. It's a personal mission, she understands. He's a perfectionist on top of being a billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

He died. He died and he came back. They won. Steph felt the victory that Tony didn't. He'd survived but he was paying for it. 

He hated her for a little while. All his life really, his father loved Steph. Not in a way that would make Maria Stark jealous, but in a way a brother longs for his sister to come home. Tony lived under the shadow of a woman who was in the ice. 

But now she was with him, living under his roof and helping him in his workshop. She was making amends she didn't rip in the first place. 

He understood why Howard loved her so much. 

He was jealous of Sarge for loving her too. 

But he had Pepper and Pepper loved him and he was happy with Pepper. 

But he always wanted what he couldn't have.

**Dreams**

In her dreams, life is good. They won the war and Bucky didn't fall. 

They come home to a nicer apartment and have sex. They get married and she has a baby. 

He holds the baby in his arms and falls asleep with him. She wants a son, her subconscious decides for her.

In her dreams, Bucky dances with her in their kitchen while their son colors in a coloring book. 

Peggy comes by often and helps with him. 

But sometimes Bucky is Tony. 

Sometimes it's Tony she's in bed with. Sometimes it's his son that she's holding. 

She wakes up crying, stricken with guilt and horror of possibly loving someone that wasn't Bucky. 

But the way Tony came running in her room to her screams made her wonder if it would be so bad having him be the one causing them. 

**Moving**

A job offer in Washington DC gave her freedom to live the tower. Tony wasn't keeping her there or anything, but she needed to leave. She needed to leave before she had thoughts of staying with him. 

She'd never lived anywhere but New York. Not including the places she inhabited during the war. 

She'd have a higher position at Shield, living in DC

She'd have her own team for missions. Natasha would be with her on most of those missions. She'd have a nice apartment in a good neighborhood, a higher paycheck, and an easy commute. She'd liked it in Washington DC the first time, she had met the president and he had thanked her for her service before she even started serving. She received a letter from him once she really started working, a letter that was at the Smithsonian. 

Tony wasn't happy to see her leave. He didn't do much to stop her, though. 

 _Well, keep in touch, alright?_ He didn't make eye contact with her. 

 _Of course, Stark._ No matter how close they got, she'd always call him Stark. 

 _Be good, Rogers._ No matter how close they got, he'd always call her Rogers. 

This was going to be good for her. 

**Rumlow**

He was the alpha male of the STRIKE team, Natasha warned her long before she met him. He was attractive, very attractive. He was charming, nice, funny, strong willed... 

He reminded her of her Bucky before Hydra took him away from her in that lab. 

After missions, they went to the bar and tried to get her drunk. They knew she couldn't so she watched as they did. 

Rumlow didn't drink.  _Slows me down, Cap. I need to stay sharp for you, constantly vigilance. Enemies are all around._

 _You can loosen up, Rumlow. I can handle myself, if you weren't aware._ She laughs at his heroic attempt of flirtation. 

 _I will if you will._ He grinned, challenging her. 

She assumed there was a strict no-dating rule in Shield. She assumed if there wasn't, Natasha and Clint would be together. 

Rumlow asked her out once, she went without hesitation. He was a perfect gentleman, she let him treat her like a lady. She realized she had never really been on a date. It was strange to have a first without Bucky. She could tell that Rumlow wanted to take her home after the date. But she had Tony and Bucky and their dream child in her head. She kissed him goodnight and hoped it didn't complicate their work. 

Rumlow assured her it wouldn't and said he understood,  _You lost the love of your life during the war. You haven't had much time to get over him, when you're ready... I'll be here._

She smiled and kissed him again,  _Thank you, Brock._

They didn't go on any other dates. 

 _Hey, don't beat yourself up about not wanting to bang Rumlow. Did you really wanna sleep with a guy named Brock?_ Natasha laughed over a very indulgent bowl of frozen yogurt. 

Steph laughed,  _Oh god, I always forget that's his name. Who the hell names their kid Brock?_

 _Maybe his parents did too many drugs at Woodstock, he is kinda old._ Natasha laughed, anyone that was over 35 was old to her. Steph didn't even know how old Natasha was. 

**Runner**

She gets up before sunrise and jogs. It took her a few months to find the perfect spot. The perfect spot was around the Lincoln reflecting pool and the Washington monument. The first morning, she was by herself. The next, she was joined by a man. 

She out-jogged him every morning. It was funny to her, seeing him huff and press harder on the ball of his foot to keep up with her. 

A month into their affair of trying to out-jog each other, she started taunting him. 

A little fun couldn't kill her, he seemed like a friendly guy who could take the tease. 

_On your left._

_On your left._

_On your-_

_Don't say it!_ He huffed after her. 

She found him panting under a tree after her hundredth lap. He was cute, looking up at her and waiting for her to make another smart ass comment. 

She pulled the hair that had found its way out of her ponytail behind her ear.  _Need a medic._

The man laughs breathlessly,  _I need a new set of lungs. You just ran like thirteen miles in thirty minutes._

 _Late start this morning, I guess._ She also laughed, finding his contagious. 

 _Take another lap,_ He closes one eye for dramatic effect,  _Did you take it? I'm assuming you just did._

She asks him what unit he's in, acknowledging the insignia on his sweater. He was with the 58th para-rescue but he works for the VA now. 

Sam. The runner's name is Sam. 

He knows who she is and mentions the defrosting. It's been a while since someone had done that, for the first time she isn't bothered by it. He can feel his eyes on her, checking her out as Nat would say. It's not his gaze she doesn't like. It's how she's so comfortable with it. It's not a hungry gaze like Tony's or Rumlow's. It's sweet and timid. She waves and turns away until she's stopped by something provoking. 

 _It's your bed isn't it?_ He chews on his bottom lip, relived when she does turn back. 

She arches an eyebrow, he laughs nervously and follows up with,  _It's too soft. When I was over there I slept on the ground like a caveman. Laying in bed at home it's like I'm-_

 _Sleeping on a marshmallow. Like I'm gonna sink right to the floor._ She giggled. 

 _You miss the good ole days?_ He asked. 

She doesn't think about them, because they weren't that great. She focuses on the now, focusing on how good the future is. 

Bucky comes back to haunt her subconscious about how much he wanted to go to the future.

Sam suggests something for her list, she writes it down and jumps at the ringing of her cell phone. 

It's Natasha needing her for a mission with a winky face.  _Duty calls. Thanks for the run... if that's what you wanna call it._

She slides him a ripped out piece of paper with her cell number written on it, he grins.  _Oh that's how it is?_

 _That's how it is._ She grins back. 

He tells her to stop by the VA and attempts to ask her out but Natasha pulls up, interrupting him before he can spit it out. 

_Hey, nerds. Either of you know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil._

_You're hilarious._ Steph rolls her eyes and gets in the passenger seat, smiling an apology to Sam, who looks very impressed with either the car or Natasha.  _You can't run everywhere._

 _No, you can't._ He says as Natasha accelerates away. 

**List**

In her time with Tony, he made sure she had access to all the pop culture he liked. But she knew it wasn't everything. So she made her own list of things she wanted to know to fit in with the rest of the world. Natasha helped. 

  1. I Love Lucy 
  2. Moon Landing
  3. Berlin Wall (up + down)
  4. Steve Jobs (Apple) 
  5. Disco
  6. Thai Food
  7. Star ~~Wars~~ /Trek
  8. Rocky (II)



**Date**

Natasha's personal mission was to get Steph on a date. To avoid getting swept into a date with Kevin from Statistics, she jumps out of the plane. Without a parachute. It's her thing. Once they all land, Natasha continues. 

_The nurse across the hall?_

_Secure the engine room and then play matchmaker._ Steph goes into mission mode. 

_I'm multitasking!_

After a fight with a French pirate and grenade blowing up, Natasha stops playing matchmaker. 

**Smithsonian**

She hides, trying to avoid the crowds. Of course it's her luck to show up on the busiest day. She's recognized only by a little girl, who promises to keep the secret of her being there. 

They have life like replicas of her suit and the Commandos' suits. 

She walks by a display of screens showing film reels of the propaganda. Past that is a display of her and Bucky. 

Inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield.

Barnes is the only Commando to give his life. 

She doesn't start crying until she sees Peggy, well, a video of Peggy talking about her friendship with Steph and how much she loved Bucky. 

Peg's husband was also in the 107th. Steph saved him too. 

**Peg**

The nursing home is warm, old people love warmth. Peggy is wrapped in blankets. She still looks like a goddess, she's just old. 

Steph's outliving her best friend. 

She looks at the frames of her family. 

 _I have lived a life, Steph._ Peggy's accent hadn't faded with the years living in America,  _My only regret is that you didn't get to live yours._

She knew what Steph wanted. Bucky. A family. 

She tells Peggy her woes on serving for Shield. Peggy calls her dramatic like always. 

 _The world has changed, none of us can go back. All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best we can do is start over._ But then Peggy starts coughing, by routine, Steph gets her water and knows what will happen next. 

She forgets. She cries and hugs Steph, telling her she knew Howard would find her.  _It's been so long..._

Steph doesn't cry anymore. She just holds Peg's hand and starts from the beginning. 

**Start Over**

_The best we can do is start over,_ Steph plays Peggy's words over in her head. 

She forgets the guilt of Bucky, trying to tell herself that he would be okay with her moving on. They were't married. There's no reason she should live like a widow. She texts Sam back and looks for him at the VA. 

He speaks with other vets. 

It makes her like him even more.  _You lose someone?_

He bites his lip,  _Yeah, my wingman Riley. Fly in night mission, standard PJ rescue op. Everything was fine until a RPG knocked her ass out of the sky. Nothing I could do._

She furrows her brow when he says 'she'. 

_After that, I had a hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?_

Oh yes, she knew. 

 _She was more than a wingman, wasn't she?_ Steph asks. 

Sam nods,  _Yeah._

It's a mutual moment of understanding. They make small talk after that, joking around laughing. Steph gets in his car, hoping her bike would be okay in the parking lot. Sam laughs at her,  _I don't think anyone is gonna fuck with Captain America's Harley. It's kinda sexy you ride a Harley..._

He's a flirt. She likes that, she flirts back and he likes it. 

 _So, what makes Stephanie Grace Rogers happy?_ He asks back at his house. 

Steph shrugs,  _I don't know._

Here it is, she thinks, I'm gonna get laid without Natasha's help. 

Instead they watch a really funny movie and eat three bags of popcorn. 

**Nurse**

The nurse was named Kate. _Thanks, Natasha, always keeping my options open for me._ **  
**

There was something familiar about her. Steph couldn't pin it.

The kindness, face shape, great eyebrows...

 _You left your stereo on._ She smiles. 

**Frisbee**

_It's been a long, long time..._ croons her record player. It's playing on a loop, which is embarrassing. She had been listening to it while she cried over some ice cream after watching a sappy rom-com. Something was up, she could feel it. She grabs her shield, the cold vibranium was like a security blanket for her. Her trusty frisbee. 

She almost drops it when she sees Fury sitting on her couch in the dark.  _I don't remember giving you a key._

 _You really think I'd need one? Wifey kicked me out._ He grunted. 

 _You're married?_ She raises an eyebrow. 

 _There's a lot you don't know, Steph._ His wince is audible as she hears him shift. 

She turns on the light, gasping softly at the sight of him bleeding out on her couch. Her attention is drawn to his phone, EARS EVERYWHERE.

 _Sorry to do this so suddenly, I have nowhere else to crash._ SHIELD COMPROMISED _._

She swallows down another gasp,  _Who else knows about your wife?_

 _Just my friends._ YOU AND ME

 _Is that what we are?_ She says softly. 

 _Up to you._ The gunshots rip through the window, the couch, and even him.

Steph pulls him off the couch and across the floor, holding him and looking out the window for the shooter. 

 _Trust no one, Steph._ He slips a flash drive into her hand before he passes out as she lets out a sob. 

She jumps and covers his body with her own as Kate, her neighbor busts in the door.  _I'm Agent 13, I'm here to protect-_ She lets out a gasp and puts her gun back in her holster, running towards him.  _I was sent here to protect you..._

 _On whose orders?_ Steph's voice was shaky from crying but dark. 

Agent 13 gives her a sympathetic look,  _His._

She gives an order into a comm with the response,  _is there a 20 on the shooter._

Steph stands up and looks out the window, seeing them.  _Tell them in pursuit._

She runs out the window and chases after the shooter, running through walls until they're both on the roof of her favorite deli. The shooter runs to the next roof and Steph throw the shield at him. 

The shooter turns around in perfect time to catch it in his hand... his metal hand. 

The shield is whipped back and knocked into her stomach, taking the breath out of her lungs and sending her to her knees. He's gone. 

**Daughters**

Steph stands outside the operating room, watching the doctors tear him open and put him back together... or at least try. Her emotions are bubbling, crying on and off.

She's met by Maria, who is uncharacteristically emotional. It's understandable, Fury was her mentor, her director... 

Natasha is the last to arrive, shaking hands against the glass like she's willing him to live. The tears don't fall until they can hear the beeping of his heart stopping.

The three stand there together, a foot apart each, until they're brought in to see his body. 

 _He's like my dad. He shaped me up when I joined Shield, made sure the others were being nice to me. He was sweet on me. He knew I needed family._ Natasha confided in Steph years ago. 

 _He did the same for me, he wasn't as sweet though._ Steph laughed. 

Natasha leaves first, the youngest daughter running away. Steph follows after her, Maria stays. 

 _Why was he in your apartment?_ Natasha demands. 

 _I- I don't know, Nat..._ Steph says breathlessly. 

Rumlow comes up, touching Steph's shoulder gently. Natasha's eyes zero in on the gesture, sneering up at Steph. 

 _Captain, you're needed._ Rumlow says softly. 

 _Give me a second, Brock._ Steph remains looking at Natasha. 

 _Captain, that's now._ He loses the sympathetic tone. 

Steph gives Natasha a conflicted look, but Natasha shakes her head,  _You're a awful fucking liar, S._

Rumlow guides her away, an arm around her shoulder like they're close friends... like Bucky used to do. She wants to shake him off.  _Hey, can I get some gum real quick? Just wait out the doors, I'll be right there._

He nods, taken aback at the odd request. 

She hides the flash drive in the tray the new packs of gum will go into, taking a fresh pack before the service man notices. Steph offers Rumlow a piece, he takes it and smiles at her in a way that makes her skin crawl. 

**Baseball**

He's the head honcho at Shield. Not the director, like Nick was, but he's the big guy on the international council. It's all Steph really knows about him. 

He grills her about the shooter. She remembers what Fury said. 

_Trust no one._

She gives him vague answers and pretends she doesn't know. 

He switches batters and accuses Nick of setting up his own assassination and other sins. She calls him out and he doubles down, strike one. 

He explains the similarities between the two of them, Nick and himself, informing Steph that they were realists. The preaching about his knowledge of how the real world bores her and makes her feel belitted. She's older than this man and has seen more, she doesn't trust him. Strike two. 

 _So, I'm going to ask you again Captain Rogers... why was in your apartment?_ He leans forward on his desk, looking at her. 

Her emotions bubble over, this time for an excuse to get out of there.  _He told me not to trust anyone._

 _I wonder if he was included in that._ He pursed his lips. 

Her eyes narrow at him for a moment until she sniffles and lets a tear fall,  _Those were his last words, sir._ She puts her shield on her back and makes her escape out of the sterile room. 

 _Stephanie._ The lack of formality is what stops her and turns her head back to him.  _Someone killed my friend, and I'm going to find out why. No one is going to get in my way. No one._

She fakes a smile, wiping her tears.  _I understand. I know what it's like to lose a friend._

His face falls a moment before returning a fake smile.  _Of course._

Strike three. 

**Elevator**

Rumlow rides down with her, continuing to make her uncomfortable. At least this time it's work related. 

There's too many fucking people in the elevator, she thinks. Too many men, is her second thought. It's not the men she's afraid of, it's how big they are. They are in a glass elevator. 

One of the men is sweating, taking cautious looks at her like she's branding a machete. Something's off. 

_Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?_

That's when the fun begins, they all attack. One against, five, maybe six... she can't count. They all look the same and they're all really pissed off at her.

 _Whoa, baby. Easy..._ Rumlow's husky voice tries to sooth her before she strikes him. He's the last man standing.  _This isn't personal!_

She knocks him out easily,  _Feels kinda personal, dick._

More agents come after her under the orders of Sitwell, her only option is to jump out the glass elevator. She lands with a groan and runs to her Harley, speeding back to the hospital, but to her apartment first to gather a bag. 

**Bikinis**

Natasha took the flash drive. Steph groans and pushes her into the room. 

 _I only act like I know everything, Rogers._ Natasha glares at her.

 _Who killed Fury?_ Steph demanded. 

Natasha's face goes cold.  _You know anything about the Winter Soldier?_

Steph makes a face. 

_Of course not. Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists. The guy is Santa Assassin, instead of presents, kills and has a metal arm._

Steph makes another face.  _So he's a ghost story._

 _Five years ago I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran when someone shot my tires out and sent me and my friend off a cliff, I pulled us out and the Winter Soldier was there. My body got in the way of him killing the engineer and he shot through me._ She pulls up her t-shirt, eyebrow raised.  _Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye-bye, bikinis._

 _Explains our trip to Santa Monica with the boys._ Steph rolls her eyes in memory of the one piece suit the men gawked at. 

 _Going after him is a dead end, trust me, I've tried._ Nat says with a look that assured Steph that she really had tried. 

 _Well, let's see what Casper wants._ Steph flipped and caught the flash in her hand. 

**Kiss**

_Can you chill the fuck out?_ Nat asked Steph, who was rocking back and forth on her feet. 

 _I just hate this store..._ Steph mumbled. 

 _Well, you can cross Apple off your list..._ Nat deadpanned as she tried to get the flash to work on the laptop.  _Shit, we have company._

Steph groaned at the sight of their old STRIKE unit, beat up and angrier than earlier. 

 _Ooh, can I help you two ladies?_ The employee asked. 

Steph's eyes went wide at the sight of him. He was really something to look at. Hair nearly longer than hers, a beard that was catching up, the same glasses and a proud beer belly. These were the kind of guys who idolized her yet kept self-made porn art of her. 

 _My fiancee was just helping me look for a honeymoon location!_ Nat said in a voice that made Steph cringe. 

 _Yep, we're getting married._ Steph played along, looking back at her until Nat gave her a dirty look. 

The employee nodded,  _Where are you thinking?_

 _Uh..._ Steph looked at the monitor,  _Jersey._

Nat kicked the back of her knee, picking up the disgust in her voice. 

After some more awkward small talk with Apple Guy, they had their location and bolted out. 

 _Shut up and put your arm around me._ Nat demanded. 

Steph did and they both laughed and looked down at each other, avoiding the STRIKE agents walking past them. 

They made their way to the escalator, stuck in the traffic going down. 

 _Fuck, it's Rumlow._ Nat bit her lip,  _Kiss me._

 _You're kidding._ Steph raised an eyebrow.  _Why?_

 _Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable._ Nat reasoned.

_Yeah, okay. But why-_

_Oh for the love of god, your cute new boyfriend won't care. Do it!_ Nat said, not giving Steph time before she pulled her to her lips and kissed her.

The kiss felt longer than it really was. It was't bad at all, it felt nice to be kissed by Nat and her soft lips. Steph was dizzy when Nat pulled away. 

 _Still uncomfortable?_ Nat smirked, no Rumlow in sight. 

 _Not the word I'd use._ Steph said breathlessly. 

**Sister**

_Was that your first kiss since 1945?_ Nat asked, trying not to laugh. 

 _No, I kissed... I kissed Rumlow once. I'm 95, not dead._ Steph blushed as she drove. 

 _So that was the first time you kissed a girl?_ Nat raised an eyebrow. 

Steph asked.  _During the war, this woman... Private Lorraine made a move on me... of course it didn't go anywhere. I was with Bucky, it was still really awkward to explain to Peg and him though._

Nat chuckled.  _So, you think this Sam guy's gonna be serious?_

_No. I think he's friendzoned me. Is that the word? Just wants to be friends._

Nat frowns.  _So you're just gonna die alone?_

Steph chuckles,  _No... it's just hard to find someone with shared life experience._

Her mind travels to Sam, who served and also lost his love. She shakes the thought out of her head. 

 _You know, it doesn't always have to be serious to be dating someone. You could make up a life and catfish people._ Nat jokes. 

 _Does that work for you?_ Steph raises an eyebrow. 

It hits Nat hard, especially coming from Steph. Steph can feel it, it's like she's a lobster put into a hot pot of water. 

 _Yeah, it does._ It's a survival, is what she meant. 

_Not a good way to live..._

_But it's not a bad way to die._ Nat gives Steph a half smile. 

Steph glances at her,  _I want to trust you. I just don't know you as well as I feel that I should..._

Nat thinks for a moment and comes back with,  _Who do you want me to be?_

 _How about a sister?_ Steph smiles, half joking.  _I'll settle for friend._

But there's something in those green eyes, a cloud being lifted and the sun coming through.  _There's a chance you might be in the wrong business for that._

 

**Zola**

His round face on the screen brought back memories Steph had done her best to repress. 

This was the man who hurt Bucky.

It took one word to nearly bring her to her knees, Hydra. 

But the missile didn't take them out, at least. 

 _Zero sum..._ she could still hear his voice in her head. 

**Wings**

Natasha drove back to DC. She drove like a maniac, more than usual. It wasn't a problem of course, they were in Jersey, after all. Steph only spoke to give her directions on how to get to Sam's and avoid construction. 

Sam smiled and let them in without any real hesitation. 

He makes them breakfast. Like a real breakfast. Not the nutri-grain bars Steph lived off of or the sugary cereals Tony made her try. Real fluffy eggs, crisp bacon, sausage links, french toast, and fruit. It's almost like he knew they hadn't eaten in over 24 hours. She could've kissed him, in all honesty. 

Natasha made no mistake in sitting and loading her plate, eating silently and drinking coffee. 

 _You alright, Steph?_ Sam placed a hand on her shoulder. 

 _I don't wanna bring you into this._ Oh, god. She didn't want to. It was cliche to say it, she wanted to blame it on the dumb rom-coms she'd been watching. 

He looked down and then back up at her, breathing in and out.  _Maybe I want to be brought into this..._

She smiled at him and kissed his cheek,  _This is more than you think, Sam. I don't know if I can even handle it._

 _Go eat, I'm tired of hearing your abs gurgle._ He poked at her stomach, making her laugh.  _I'll be right back._

Sam came back a moment later with a file, setting it down in front of Natasha.  _What's this?_

 _Consider it my resume._ He smirked at Steph, who looked over a the file. 

He was more than qualified. 

 _Where can we get our hands on one of these?_ Steph asked, looking at him with a grin plastered on her face. 

 _Fort Meade._ He frowned. 

Steph and Nat shared a look, causing Nat to shrug.  _Easy peasy._

 _I feel bad bringing you into this, you have no part in Shield._ Steph said as Natasha went in the other room to make a phone call. 

 _Captain America needs my help, there's no better reason to get back in. Besides, I'd like a second date._ He smiles at her. 

She looks at him, admiring at how handsome he is. His smooth skin and dark eyes, the gap in his shining teeth. He could make her happy. He seemed like the kinda guy you could easily settle down with. Shared life experience. He could make her happy. How mushy was she getting? Picturing a life with a man she hardly knew? It took her 20 odd years just to tell Bucky she loved him for real and have sex with him. She was a mess, too messy for Sam. Sam was good. God, Sam was good. He looked at her like she was his hero. Maybe they thought differently of each other. He did say Captain America... maybe she was overthinking it. She just needed to keep him alive. 

**Ghost**

He threw Sitwell out of the car. He literally drove his hand into the roof of Sam's car and pulled Sitwell out. 

So yeah, Steph was kinda scared. They were all separated on the street. Natasha cleared the civilians out of the street. It was one thing they learned from New York, the less civilian damage, the better. But the Winter Soldier only had eyes for the three of them. He was hell bent on taking them out. She was not going to let this man kill Natasha. 

The Winter Soldier fights like a machine. Steph wonders if he is one. Maybe half man, half machine. What was the name of that dumb movie Tony loved so much... T something... term...  _Terminator!_ As she dodged and blocked and struck at the Terminator, he matched her every move like they had practiced it. There was no upper hand she could get. He, however, found all the upper hand he could get. 

Like her shield, once again, the asshole had her shield. He whipped it again but this time, she was ready and dodged it. They charge into each other, knocking against a van and finally- she got the upper hand. He rolled a few feet away from her, his mask coming off. 

He stands up slowly, Steph curls her hands into fists as preparation. 

But when he turns around, it's Bucky.  _Now is not the time to be hallucinating..._ she tells herself. But she's not. The Ghost is her Bucky. The man she loved. The man she watched die. For the first time in 70 years, she felt like she was having an asthma attack, like her body was shutting down. No, no. This wasn't real. His arm. His left arm. Metal. 

He looked at her, an odd feeling washing over him. She was familiar. He had met her before. Fury. The apartment. Yes, there. She was Captain America. He had never seen her in costume. He had watched her on surveillance, studied her fighting techniques. Watched her live in her apartment through cameras. He growled at the men who complained about there never being anything interesting they could hear or ever really see other than her getting dressed. She was his mission, not theirs. He liked watching her, getting to know her routine and life. It seemed simple. She seemed simple.

She was beautiful. Built similar to him but on a softer level. She fought well. Very well. He was impressed. She wasn't overly scared of him. Not like the Widow. He knew the Widow better. He trained her. He... it was fuzzy, he couldn't remember. But he knew her, too. 

 _Bucky?_ Steph whispered. Not whispered, but said in a soft, delicate voice rarely from her. 

No. No. No. This was not his mission. His mind raced, bringing back things he didn't know. The sound of her voice saying that name. Moaning that name. Laughing that name. Crying... he was imagining again. Imagining the small blonde girl he must have known before he became the Asset. Before he was the Fist of Hydra. He felt emotions coming forth, there was no emotions in Hydra. Only success. 

_Who the hell is Bucky?_

**Wilson**

_Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky._ Steph sighed. 

Sam clenched his jaw. The man had nearly killed all three of them and she was going soft because he was her ex-boyfriend. He pushed that out of his head, this wasn't the time to be a jealous prick. She wasn't his to act like this over. If things were reversed... no. It was a stupid thought. She was Captain America and he was just... Sam Wilson. He could make her happy. Give her all the things she wanted. All the things Bucky couldn't give her anymore. 

What she needed was a friend. That was a sacrifice he could make to keep her in his life. 

 

 

**Father**

_Can't kill you if you're already dead. Besides, I wasn't sure who to trust._ He says as he's on a hospital bed, hooked up to several IVs, half-dead.  

Natasha glares at him and at Maria, mostly because Maria's acting like she knew about it this whole time. 

**Unstable**

They're afraid of him, these doctors. They're new, American, and not trained for him. The Soviets were never afraid of him. They weren't kind, a mistake the American ones would make. These men just caught him at a bad time, in the midst of a bad flashback episode. he couldn't stop thinking of her. Her soft blonde hair, the green in her blue eyes, the crookedness of her nose from fighting recklessly, the way she felt against him. Him. They were lovers. She loved him, held him, kissed him. He shook violently, screaming and thrashing at the doctors. 

Pierce. Pierce would help him. He'd know the answers and help him. 

 _Mission report._ He demanded instead. 

The Asset doesn't respond. That is not what he wants. He wants her. He wants to know when and why he called Captain America by her name and why he could see memories of her in a smaller body, trying to dance. He was taken away by the swipe of Pierce's hand against his cheek. 

 _The woman on the bridge... where do I know her from?_ He asked, looking as helpless as he felt. 

Rumlow chuckled darkly,  _He's doing it again. He's remembering her, the guys in the control room were right, he does still have a thing for her. Can't say I blame him... she's a piece of work._

The Asset clenched his fist and growled. He was slapped again. 

 _You met her earlier this week, son._ And then he hears what he's heard for the past ten years. He's a gift. He's the Fist of Hydra. 

 _But I love her._ He pleads. 

Pierce freezes, blinking at him for a moment. Rumlow laughs even harder. 

 _Prep him,_ He says as he walks away. He can't listen to the muffled screaming. 

Rumlow moves closer to the Asset.  _Think long and hard about your Stephanie. Her blonde hair, those pouty red lips, think about her tits- they're nice... almost as nice as her ass. Was she as good in bed then as she is now? I guess you wouldn't know... let me tell you, she's probably just as good. Maybe a little out of practice... lucky you, you had her when she was fresh as a daisy._

 _Stop. Stop. Don't._ The Asset begs. 

And then he's screaming. They're taking her away from him. 

**Seventeen**

He walks to her apartment, the weight of it being hers and hers alone worries him. She doesn't have a job, she'll get her ma's money and has money from her dad still but he knew he'd have to talk to her landlord about taking it easy on her rent. But there was options. He could move in, better yet she could move in with him. They'd be okay together. He'd know where she was and if she was eating. 

She was stubborn, as always. He wasn't surprised she was being more stubborn than usual today. He made a promise to Sarah though, he had to look out for her. He loved her. He didn't want to see her struggle more. If he could, he'd pay for art school. He'd make the whole world believe she was beautiful. He thought she was. He'd cure her of all her diseases and illnesses. Maybe he was just selfish. Maybe he just wanted what he couldn't have. 

 _I can get by on my own,_ She says. 

 _You don't have to._ He pulls kicks the rock out from under the key and kisses her when she comes back up. She sighs, hugging him tightly. 

_I'm with ya til the end of the line, Steph._

**Mission**

Put the chips in their lock. Things won't blow up. 

It's an easy task, you know... when your ex-boyfriend isn't coming at you with deadly force. 

He's relentless. Dead set on his mission. Kill her. Kill her and everything will be okay. The world will be good because of him. 

But she's too goddamn stubborn. 

He shoots her right below the rib cage. Stabs her in the shoulder. Steals the chips. 

But then her legs are around him, cutting off his air.  _Drop it!_ She leads with him. 

She's confused, she think she knows him. He doesn't have the time to tell her otherwise. He is tired of fighting her but knows the mission must be completed. 

He struggles under a fallen part of the Hellicarrier and she helps him. That's how stubborn she is, she helps him so she can fight him some more. It's masochistic to him. She could have finished him off right then and there. 

 _You know me._ She begs him to listen.

 _No, I don't!_ He charges towards her. 

 _You've known me your whole life._ He punches her but she doesn't move.  _Your name is James Buchanan Barnes._

 _Shut up!_ He yells at her. 

She drops her mask and her shield. Her hair so loose out of its braid, he might as well pull the holder out. She's practically defenseless now, it's not right. She's giving up.

 _I'm not going to fight you. You're my friend._ She says, knowing he could react worse to the whole lovers thing. 

He knocks her to the floor, pinning her down.  _You're my mission._

He needs to finish it. He can't handle more. Memories are coming back. He couldn't live with that. He wasn't that man, he couldn't love her. He punched, and punched, and punched, watching her beautiful face deteriorate by his own fist. He punches until he can't hear her voice laughing or singing or saying that name. 

 _Then finish it..._ She wheezes.  _Cause I'm with you til the end of the line._

His fist stops in mid-air. It comes back in full. She's Steph, his best friend. The love of his life. She used to be small and sick. He took care of her. Pulled her away from fights. He longed for her. He lost her but then she found him. She loved him. She was his. He was going to marry her. He wanted to give her a child. He needed to come home for her. He had a ring. His inside breast pocket, left side right by his heart. He was gonna ask her to marry him after that mission. The war was almost over anyway, they could be engaged for a little while. He was going to make love to her that night, kiss her ring and tell her he was never gonna let her be alone again. 

He's crying and she's half-dead underneath him. Before he can say anything, the bottom of the hellicarrier drops, sending her with it. He hangs onto a salvaged part before he drops in after her. He drags her body to shore, finding her wounds are healing. Her body is like his in that way. He clasps his hands together and pounds on her breastbone until she's breathing. He holds her unconscious body, weeping. 

_I'm so sorry, baby. Stay with me... I'm so sorry...._

**Hospital**

A two day coma. They found her a few hours after Bucky left her on the beach of the Potomac river. 

Sam sat on that chair for two days, waiting for her to wake up. He brought his speaker so he could play  _Trouble Man_ for her. Marvin Gaye could bring anyone out of a coma. It just took some time. 

He let her eat all the jello she wanted, for some reason, whenever she went to the hospital all she wanted was jello. It was damn good jello, too. 

**Seek**

She dumped everything on the internet. All of Shield and Hydra's secrets. She nearly died because of it. 

Pierce was dead, thanks to Fury. 

Nat was able to get some files on Bucky during his time as the Winter Soldier. Nat was worried. This would eat Steph alive. She knew the ghost, he would run til the world ended. 

But Steph knew him. He'd show himself when he was ready. 

But she was ever good at playing hide and seek. 

**Hide**

It was empty at the museum. He had gotten in fairly easily. It was quiet in DC, three days after the Shield/Hydra thing. He went to a safe house and stole a backpack, filled it with food, clothes, and money. He kept his knives and left the guns behind. He needed to get out of DC soon. 

He wanted to see her. He went to the hospital, watching her sleep from outside the room. The bird man was with her. He felt a pang of jealousy, he was there and Bucky was not. 

It was strange calling himself Bucky again. He was used to Asset, son, soldier, and James. He replayed her voice saying it over and over again. 

He needed to become better, to get his mind in order before he saw her again. He was able to find a helicopter, enough fuel in it to make it pretty far overseas, and take it away from the states. His first thought was Russia, but it was too cold. Too dangerous. He thought of his mother, he couldn't remember much, only that she had come from Romania. He went there. 

He got a shitty little apartment in the city, kept mostly to himself. He got a job working in a garage and another one working on the shipping dock. Two very familiar jobs. He made good money, keeping it all in his backpack. He did his research on himself and the rest of the world, what he missed and such. He was asked on a date by a young woman, at first he said no. Steph was his only girl. But Steph had the bird man. He would love her more. He ran after her and said yes, but he didn't sleep with her. The woman wanted to sleep with him but he couldn't. He had the arm and the idea of sex with anyone but Steph was weird to him. 

He'd come to her when he was ready. 


End file.
